blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

craplos:

ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.

patrick-arthur-urie:

dirtylittledamsel:

I Should’ve Saved That Gif When I Had The Chance Because Now I Can’t Find It: The Musical

Put that thing back on my dashboard or so help me

fizzyginger:

If Prince Charles’s ringtone isn’t I Just Can’t Wait to be King then what’s the point

aidanturnerfrustration:

tittybasket:

1800chokethath0e:

lucatastrophe:

• “For the sake of fuck”
• “For shitting out loud”
• “For the fuck of God”
• “Don’t go fucking yourself in the foot”
• “I hope I don’t fuck the toaster on this”
• “Fuckwad”
• “Cocktard”
• “Shitbeak”
• “Cuntsteak”
• “Dunderfuck”

cuntsteak i’m gonna use that one.

These are magical, and I need to not fuck some toasters today

I heard a good one before - “fucktrumpet”